Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars this year, and he took the gig long before the nominees were announced and everyone got pissed because all of them were white. So here we have one of the greatest social commentators of his generation presiding over a ceremony that is in DESPERATE need of a public flagellation. Sounds potentially promising, right? WRONG. Here’s what’s gonna happen Sunday night: Rock is gonna come out onto that stage, and he’s gonna take his jabs, and that audience—the fucking lifeless audience of plasticized actors, each of whom needs six publicists just to do basic addition—will go OOH, like someone slapped a baby in front of them. OMG HE JUST SAID A TRUE THING, SHOULD I CLAP? And then the monologue will peter out and the show will go on—and on and on and on…